DATE RAPE (Sexual Assault)
You can't always avoid date rape and unfortunately there's no perfect way to protect yourself, however there are things you can do to lesson your chances of being sexually assaulted.REMEMBER
85% of all sexual assaults of teenagers occur between people who know each other (e.g. a date, a friend or someone you've just seen around). People are sexually assault ed in their homes, in cars, at school, at parties, at the beach . . . you get the picture. You've been sexually assaulted if you've been forced or pressured into going further sexually than you feel comfortable with. In other words, if you've been kissed, touched or had intercourse without agreeing to it, that is Sexual Assault.THE FACTS
 | 1 in 4 females and 1 in 6 males will be sexually assaulted or abused
during their life time.| It is estimated that in up to 75% of sexual assaults drugs or
alcohol
are involved. | In 8 of 10 sexual assaults the victim knows the attacker. | |
SEXUAL ASSAULT IS AGAINST THE LAW
It is always the guy 's responsibility to control his behaviour and accept your sexual limits. It is the girl's responsibility to communicate these limits.WHAT WOMEN CAN DO
| Look at your feelings about sex and set sexual limits. You may have
different limits
at different times with different people but you should know what you do
or don't want before you're parked at the drive-in with your date.| Tell the other person those limits. Yes should always mean yes and no
should always mean no. Saying yes to necking does not mean you've said yes to
intercourse. Let him clearly know how far you want to go and that you won
't go any further. This
has to be talked about because body language is too confusing and ESP
doesn't work. | Be aware of signals you send with your posture, clothes, tone of voice
and eye contact.
Women NEVER are asking to be sexually assaulted by how they look or act
but many
men may misinterpret these signals and think women want "it" when they
really don't. | Make sure you are clear when something is happening that you don't
like. If necessary
use powerful and firm voice that says "STOP THIS-I'M NOT ENJOYING IT!". If
you don't let him know what you do or don 't like or that you want him to stop, he
might think this silence means you want to go further. | TRUST YOUR FEELINGS. If you feel you are being pressured into unwanted
sex- YOU'RE RIGHT! you are feeling uncomfortable at a party or wherever - LEAVE. Pay
attention to changes in your feelings. A situation may feel okay at first and then
change - LEAVE if this happens. | Be independent and aware on a date. Have opinions about where to go and
what to do,
so your date knows you're not a pushover. At first, you may wan to meet in
a public
place or go on a double date. You may want to pay your own way, so you
don't have
to feel you owe him. Always have your own transportation home or enough
money for
taxi fare
or at least a quarter to call a friend/parent for a ride. Also be aware
that drug
s
and alcohol often go hand in hand with date rape because they lessen your
ability
(and that of your date) to make responsible decisions. | Hang around with people who share your values. They are less likely to
pressure you
to do something you don't really want to do.
| |
WHAT'S A GUY TO DO?
The dating scene is a confusing place. The guy 's expected to "get all he can " whether he really wants to or not and a woman is expected to say "no" whether she really wants to or not. If no one is talking straight how is anyone to know what the other person really wants? Not knowing what the other person wants sexually could result in pushing someone further than they want to go.This is Sexual Assault.
Here are some pointers to consider to help guys prevent sexual assault:
| Don 't assume what your date wants - always ask her. Her desire for
affection (e.g.
kissing, cuddling, etc.) is not the same as a desire for intercourse.
| Check out what her desire is, wait for a straight answer before you
act,
women
don't
enjoy being forced to have sex and they don't want to be persuaded.
| Check out what levels of intimacy you both want. She may be
interested
in sharing
some form of sex other than intercourse. e.g. kissing or petting. Sex is
more enjoyable
if you share rather than take. | If you are unsure of what a woman wants because you think her body or
clothes are
saying one thing and her mouth is saying something else - SPEAK UP- decide
what both
of you want. If she is unsure about having sex - BACK OFF- talk about
it. | No means no. When you hear no, STOP. Don't argue with your date. If you don't accept her No, you are committing
sexual
assault. This is illegal. | A woman who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you
as a
person
.
Her "No" is expressing her decision not to be part of a single act.
| Be aware of also be victims of sexual assault and they have the same
counseling
and legal rights as women do.
| |
DATE RAPE DANGER SIGNALS LOOK OUT FOR THESE GUYS!
| Pay attention to controlling behaviour that doesn't seem or
feel
right l
continue the date, or not.| Stay Sober. You are responsible for your actions whether you are
sober or
not. Being
"high " or "drunk" is not a legal defence for sexual assault. | Remember sex is not a payback. Your date never owes you sex no
matter
how much
money
you have spent or what you may have done for her. | It's okay not to score. Not having sex does not mean you are not a
real
man. A re
al
man respects others' wishes and respects himself. | NOTE: Men may also be victims of sexual assault and they have
the
same co
unselling
and legal rights as women do.
| |
DATE RAPE DANGER SIGNALS LOOK OUT FOR THESE GUYS!
Pay attention to controlling behaviour that doesn 't seem or feel right | guys who don 't listen to you, ignore you or talk over you, criticize
what you
wear, etc. These guys have no respect for women.| guys who sit or stand too close to you, make you feel
uncomfortable
and enjo
y
making you feel this way. | guys who power stare, like when a guy is looking right through
you or
down a
t
you. | guys who do only what they want or push or grab you to get what
they
want.
| guys who express anger and violence towards women either through
words (e.g.
You bitch, I'm going to kill you) or by pushing, shoving or biting. | guys with a bad attitude toward women (e.g. women are meant to be
seen and n
ot
heard. A women's place is in the kitchen so that she can serve a man). | guys who are overly jealous or possessive, this is not a
compliment,
these guys can be very controlling. | guys who drink or use drugs heavily. | guys with a reputation for scoring. They are likely to pressure
you
for sex when you go out with them. | Beware of guys who use come-on lines like these to get you into
bed: | PRESSURING FOR SEX - "you loved me you would " "You 're not the only
girl
I could date " | TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD OR GUILTY - "Don't you like me?" "Are you
weird or so
mething?" | BLACKMAIL - "I'll kill myself if you break up with me" "If you don 't,
I'll tell everyone you did anyway " | THINKS SEX IS HIS RIGHT NO MATTER WHAT - "You turned me on, now you
have
to do it
"
| "We've had sex before so you can 't say no now " | DOESN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER - "You can 't say no because I spent all
that money on you " | "You really want it. You 're just saying no to protect your
reputation, girls are supposed to do that"
| |
People in Healthy Relationships:
| spend time together and time apart| trust each other | respect their mutual feelings | talk openly about sexual needs and desires | are sensitive to each others feelings | are friends | have common interests | communicate their feelings honestly and openly
| |
