Bruce and Bonny's Theory of Children and Relativity

Children drain energy from their parents and use it to warp space-time. When they are infants, the parent-energy is used to make time run more slowly when the baby is awake. Conversely, time is made to run more quickly when the baby is asleep.

As the baby becomes more mobile, the parent-energy is also used to teleport from the middle of the livingroom to the bookshelves, right beside the fragile Ming vase. This teleportation always occurs when the parent has looked away for a fraction of a second.

When the baby becomes a toddler, the parent-energy is used to avoid the necessity of napping. Toddlers also use the parent-energy to run around endlessly, and to speed up the increase in entropy in their immediate surroundings .

Further observations will be forthcoming as our experiences continue.

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