It was a great love affair
had all the making of a classic
those dark corner rendez-vous
in quaint out of the way little places
sheltered from the world
and keep out of view

It was this great love affair
that turned us into thieves
stealing every moment that we could
holding each other for ransom
with corsair bounty rewards
demanding our equal share.

It was this great love affair
that robbed us of our heart
and turned us into such liars
with promises of forever more
trapped us into believing
there were no strings attached.

This great love affair
bought and paid for
in guilt
spread between the sheets
of fancy motels
burning with passion.

It was this great love affair
turning sour with greed
wanting more and more
feeling empty without
the convenience
that filled desires.

It was this great love affair
caught off guard
surrendered to our own hands
our worst enemy
it was denial that
bring even more fire
to this great love affair.....
it was you.... my "Knight"
who took my heart one night
for ever and i have no remorse
life without You will be worse...

Because it is a great love affair ! /1999/

Page 3

GRAVEYARD SHIFT

I remember
those razor sharp words
and how deep the cut

draining love
through open wounds

I was there
I watched it die
I felt it

choking, gasping, exhausted
smothered in pain

these tears filled eyes
now curse the resemblance
any part of the past
that left me here
in this shallow grave
buried with anger.

Page 4

BREATH

She cries with greed
those late night
wasted tears
arm sheltering dreams
fall to the ground
blinded truth descends
with a word choking
dying
with her
last breath of hope
buried in pain.

Page 5

LAID BACK DAY

It's a laid back day
where hazy memories fade
and melt into night

shadows accompany footsteps
that bring us to nowhere

hanging
on the balance of tomorrow
dreams unfold
with the velvet touch of love
and leaves hearts open
to the cheap pillow talk

promises made to be broken
no denial
no guilt
a sanctuary for
one's understanding
the desire in one's self

it was a laid back day
our fears got swallowed
in truth's purest light

smiles collide
in a celebration
and we surrender
to the ideals of others
that enlightens us

applauding their virtue
with dignity
seen in one's self

it a laid back day
with a radiant calmness about it
distinguished from all others
no shields of pride
no shame

the realization
to stand naked
and see the beauty of
one's self.

Page 6

FEBRUARY 14th

There’s a lot of things
I want to forget
Valentines Day
the unspoken promise
of forever more
the lonely stage we act upon
the rooms we shared
even the tears

put them beneath me
let me not linger here long
in this state of dying love
it might defeat me
in sweet memory
turn me toss me
flip me in hunger
break me
sunny side up scrambled
need I say more?

Page 7

TEARS OF LOVE

Tears of love
fell in silence
while hearts broke
and anger raged
not wanting to believe
It was the last good-bye

Page 8

ARE DIAMONDS REALLY A GIRLS BEST FRIEND

Hard on the surface
I am that diamond
with flaw
not perfect by any means
an unwanted gem
not worth the time
or so I heard

then again
why would I want to be? dressed in gold
and wrapped
around your finger
at my expense

Page 9

BALLERINA OF FAITH

Helpless as a child
unwanted
you pray in the name of God
on bended knees
as if it were a last request
for some lost song

with visions
of hope and dreams
you exceed the limits
the pain
the self pity

a ballerina of faith
you dance openly
alone
out of time
and out of place
knowingly
wanting the impossible

another chance.../1999/

Page 10

JUST TO DREAM

Am I so alone?
that time really forgot me
left me on the edge
cliff hanger
a continuing saga
week after week
can there be no ending
sometimes I like what I see
and sometimes it frightens me
and sometimes I prefer to dream
close my eyes
just to escape
get away from all of it
the barrel we all live in
the city country the home
that raised us.

Page 11

MIRROR IMAGE

I look in the mirror at this weathered face
map lines like city streets
a stranger I've become to myself
even on the inside
never noticing the change
that others see
sometimes its hard to recognize
and distinguish truth
and sometimes I don't care to
and sometimes lies
seem to comfort me
anger is well preserved
in memories
along with the love
that lies sleeping
I care not to disturb
nor to awake
old feelings
for fear that they may not
have survived.
time sometimes
can take it's toll
turn you gray over night
make you look at yourself
through other people's eyes
if only for that moment
wish I was blind.

Page 12

FREE HAND

I write my life in words
I am on display here as you read
all the love, frustrations
everything that is a part of me
here in just a few lines
if you could only read between them
you would know their true meanings
I can fill you with love
understanding
sympathy when needed
I can give you an experience
so close to home
that it hurts
I'll awake the memory
of a touch
that someone's certain smile
the far away stare
that's so familiar to your face
and if I bring a tear to your eyes
I am truly sorry
that's just the emptiness in me
coming out in you.../1999/

Page 13

LOVED ONCE

I was in love once
but that was years ago
what an illusive love
lingered for years
hiding feelings
I could never show
crying in the dark
just a friend
afraid to speak out
was it
a one sided love
wouldn't you know?
statistics show
just one more broken heart.

Page 14

WHO'S TO SAY

Who's to say?
what's right or wrong?
I've abandoned those questions
long ago
in dreams I always walk alone
never looking back to where I've been
I know life is not balanced
we gain or we lose
it's not fair
but when it comes to poetic justice
an eye for an eye
I was told
I could stand on the edge
without emotion
jump off
who's going to care?

time has no boundary
and no chains hold me here .../1996/

Page 15

PATHS WELL WORN

Should we stand here?
open handed
no tricks up our sleeves
off guard and unprotected
should we welcome the madness
that's so deserving?
the kind that comes with solitude
alone in this self made prison
where anger and hurt
both share the tears of sorrow
loneliness is just a word
misrepresented by the heart
should we let rumors of content...
confine us to walk casual steps
those paths well worn
with everyday routine
we no longer care to venture
it is safe here
we know the familiar surroundings
we call it home.../1997/

Page 16

EASY WE FALL

how easily we fall
while we wrestle with emotions
on bended knees
love me love me not
each petal descends
withers and dies
patiently waiting
the clock ticks time away
and we stand there watching
as questions unanswered
fade into the night
leaving us hope
love me love me not...[jan/2000/

Page 17

QUESTIONS FROM ACROSS A ROOM

There are others looking at you
the way you'’re looking at me
define unrehearsed feeling of guilt
undressed in public eyes
the domain victors
approaching
grabbing their wealth
greedy
leave me alone
life and limb
hanging on balance
of unstable minds
were to turn
still unanswered
who's John DOE ?
just a reminder
that brings a smile
an even flow of things
undetermined facts
built in gold
with no silver lining
and no broken promise.

Page 18

SELF PITY

There is no peace
in solitude tonight
no escaping
the long hours
that torment
hurt hides behind
these pain washed eyes
time inflected wounds
open and still bleeding
gurgling as I drown
an abandoned ship
going down..../1998/

Page 19

DON'T GO THERE

SHE TOLD ME NOT TO GO THERE
BEYOND THE WALLS IN HER GARDEN
LIES A WINTER WASTE LAND
OPEN HEARTS TURN COLD
YOU’LL PROBABLY DIE THERE
IN HER HAUNTING MIST OF LONELINESS
A SHALLOW GRAVE TO BE FOUND
IN SPRING
MARKED “ VICTIM OF LONGING”
DEVOURED BY TRUST
THEN SHE LAUGHED
I'LL TAKE THAT BACK
SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T
CRY MUCH ANYMORE
THAT TEARS ONLY ROB HER OF
HER BEAUTY
DARKNESS HAS RAPED HER SOUL
AND LEFT HER EMPTY
AND TIME SOMEHOW
FORGOT TO MAKE AMENDS
NOT THAT IT MATTERS
WHERE HEARTS ARE CONCERNED
CAUSE THERE IS NO FORGIVING
THINGS ALWAYS SIT SOMEWHERE
ON THE BACK BURNER
SIMMERING
FOR JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TIME
BOOM PRESSURE COOKED AND DONE.

Page 20

JUST THOUGHTS

I thought I'd
spend a little time
with myself
gather thoughts.
hoped to answer to questions
I often asked myself
while here in this
solitude
void
emptiness
of being
I'm learning fast though
there's negotiating
where there's only half-truth

somewhere along the line
I lost control
or somebody lied....

not that it matters
its the same thing
we take advantage
of situations
laugh about it
or maybe even cry
and sometimes its hard
not to advertise.
looking at the pillars
the foundation of things
the total existence
in nonexistence
and tears are expensive
not that anyone's
gonna pay
at least not those
first in line
second hand tales told
from second hands fiends
deserve to be put ahead
let them stand for what they say
heard for what was said
the essential of life no
no matter how morbid it is
is to exist
at least until the end.

Page 21

MIX

You grew up sheltered in
your parents design
high fashion
society child
reaching for goals
far beyond your dreams
what a deceiving little girl
with an innocent face...

Page 22

SMOLDERING ASH

Here in loves inferno
were passion burns
with desire
hearts turn to ash
time smothers
and extinguishes the flame
till all that's left
is a smoldering reminder
of what used to be.

Page 23

LIES

Like a glutton
I consume my pain
till I have my fill
then I spit it out in anger

giving back a taste
of what was fed to me

lies...

Page 24

THIS OK

late night spent
counting the hours
and drying the tears
wiping away the memories
that filled my time
shadow boxing
with what's left
of a conscience
and leveling the score
with this bittersweet love
that stole my heart
and ran...../1999/

Page 25

TOMBSTONE DREAM

You can see them
as you walk these city streets
in the eyes of strangers
all those tombstone dreams
you can almost hear the tears
the desolation
the fears that hide within them
you feel the hunger
taste the pain that
burns at their souls
they quench their thirst
and dress their wounds
as they swallow their pride
catch their breath
to tell another tale
They are the mothers, fathers
sons and daughters of someone
abscond with life
they are the pourers of concrete
with sweating blood and tears
and all those tombstone dreams.

Page 26

SALVATION ARMY'S CHEER

We are the dreamers
the believers
and yes little fairy there is magic
why there is a beacon in the night
that guides lost souls
and shadows do dance
when rain hits the pavement
it almost feels like Christmas
here in the jungle
we're all wrapped
in salvation army's cheer
come
fill a cup
stand by the fire and
dream........

Page 27

THE PROFESSOR

I have seen him
all wrapped
in yesterdays want ads
a walking billboard
dressed to kill off the cold
his weathered face
unshaven
tobacco stained fingers
scratch
at his matted beard
a philosopher of life
this professor
I watch as he walks down the alley
gripping the cold steel
That holds life’s possessions
leaning on that k-mart basket
as if it were a friend
and not a burden
I heard him yell once
YOU'LL NEVER FIND THE BODY
I BURIED HER IN GRAVE
out of the blue
plain as day
it came and went
and not another word
I've heard rumors
of how he lost his daughter
she was murdered while in college
in the FAR west
this man with 7 figure earnings
crossed that fine line
to become a walking landmark
I followed him one day
from bench to bench
I stared as he pulled a package
from his pocket
his last bit of crumbs
and fed them to the birds
then I saw him smile
this philosopher of life
the professor...

Page 28

MERCY KILLING

The bonds that bind
and keep me here
compelling thoughts
am I a servant?
the means
for a mercy killing
should I put blinders on these eyes?
and pennies on this heart
is loneliness now
my only companion
to walk hand in hand
with this shadow of anger
and seek refuge in solitude
I fear the outcome
of this monster created
a breed forced fed with lies
a devoured trust
is hard to swallow
when we wash it down with guilt
so we compromise
reach an understanding
irreconcilable differences.

Page 29

ROSE PETALS FALL

I own you
by intimidation
and all those tears
they belong to me
payments past-due
for my time wasted
you can call me a prick
but I don't pull thorns
from a rose
I just pluck the petals
and watch them bleed.

Page 30

UNTITLED

Long nights spent
counting all those wasted
crocodile tears
while temptation
scared with guilt
rests on unbalanced minds
the needs the wants the desires
are all just a dream away.
I can't sleep,
another shot or two
to blur the reason
the truth that keeps me here
hidden behind this barrier
self made
confines without chains
or change
hold tight
to what's left
so called life
while pain share
empty bottles
shatter
at the drop of a name.

Page 31

TUNA SOUFFLE'

Thinking takes up time
and its hard to think at times
to ponder on thoughts
like growing old...
did I remember to turn off the gas
did I feed the cats today?
I must have
there's four empty cans on the counter
I didn't use them in the tuna souffle'
did I ?
where are the cats ?

Page 32

SO SWEET

Look in these eyes
they're the gateway to the soul
they're dark cold and tired
life has drained all expressions
all the warmth
all the impossible dreams
shallow be the name
its not too appealing
look though these eyes
at the world that created
this bitterness
and see the torment
that hides behind them
come journey with me
and all the anger and rage
that keeps me from drowning
the echoing thoughts so sweet
revenge is mine
it keeps me alive...

I have some doubts...Now !

Page 33

SILENT POOLS

Its just another gray day
with too much time
on my hands
thoughts that bounce
like rain off windows
fall to the ground
in silent pools
waking the memories
that have long been buried.
I thought dead
unwanted intruders
those old feelings
that haunt me
dare me to trespass
step out in the rain.

Page 34

WHEN THE RAIN STOPS

When the rain finally stops
will this heart be
less filled with sorrow
will these tears
exile the pain
memories
will harsh words
be more gentle
will I accept the facts
for what they really are
how can I foresee things of tomorrow
in dreams of yesterdays
with my eyes closed today
does time really heal.....
or just harden the heart.

Page 35

SEDUCTION...

Hands reaching out at
arms length
tugging on my selves
pulling me closer and closer
I find myself falling deep
within his trap
like a fly I try to flee
from the spiders web
but aimlessly I struggle
his desire passions
have been neatly displayed
feel I'm in a whirlpool
that's never ending
so down to hell I'll go...

" Am I talking to yourself ?! "

Page 36

WHO's DOING THIS

Who's dreams are these
that disturb my slumber
all rainbowed and bright
all smiling, cheerful
happy dreams
that woke me here tonight
who placed these thoughts
within this mind
while I wasn't really looking
caught me off my guard they did...
with this food for thoughts
they're cooking. [ jan/2000/

Page 37

THERE WAS A TIME

There was a time
I once knew
feelings untouched
by hate
hearts were strong
and I believed
open arms could save me
little did I know
the naive and innocent
get slaughtered,
pedestals shatter
with childhood dreams
nightmares and memories
wade
in pains tear filled eyes
drowning in anger
I can't forget
the predator
who feasts
on loneliness
demanding
what I no longer possess
I have loved and lost
forgive me
if I have no more to give
I am empty.

Page 38

VANITY

I've been
walking the dreams of yesterday
in worn out shoes
blood shot eyes
stare at the image
of what I used to be
shrugged and sheds a tear
the youth
swallowed in vanity
has come of age
casting shadows
throwing weighted words
that fall
watch your step old man.

Page 39

ROAD KILL

When devoured by trust
we all fall on bended knees
licking wounds
collecting pain
like scavengers
roadside kills
last meal
and we feast on,
on deaths
last breath.
knowing its our own....

Page 40

A love song [ dec/1999]

You move along in majesty
Your potent presence conquers me.
Visions of your magnificence
Linger for many hours hence.
When midnight skies are sparkling wells.
I'm still enveloped in your spell.

When sleep has taken me at last
Your sorcery still holds me fast
As if through ancient, haunted halls.
In dreams, I hear your silent call.
I see the dark flames of your eyes,
Within me, all resistance dies.
By night or day there is no rest
From chaos raging in my chest.

I want you, fear you, pray you'll see,
How just your being masters me.
Yet, I must view you from afar,
Unreachable as any star.
My hand, if stretched forth, could have grasped,
Your awesome form,..yet it's not raised.
My words, if uttered, could have broken
The silence; they remain unspoken.

I bears no chains, my heart was free.
And now my heart is free no more...
You've blasted fortress wall and door
With your perilous appeal,
As dark as night, as strong as steel.

Escape I don't wish no more.../2000/

Go to THE READING ROOM [ NEW 2000/2001/2002/03/04/05/06/ return to main page No: FIVE