How to tie a bloody tie

(double windsor, or something like that)

All the online tie guides I've read suck, or I'm just too stupid to use them properly. So I got my Dad to teach me. I'm assuming this is the right-handed way. Here goes:

• Start with a tie. It is made of fabric. Bright colours == tacky
  
  
• Wrap tie around neck. Pattern side out, wide part to your right, end of the thin side a couple inches above your navel. I mean belly button. Jesus.
  
  
• Grasp (GRASP!) thin end with right hand, pull wide end over thin end with your middle hand.
  
• Wrap wide end around narrow end, so the wide end is back on the right again, and the pattern side is facing your luscious belly. SEE PIC!!! This is the crux of the knot. If you don't get this right part there's no point to going on.
• Take the pointy wide end and shove it down through the loop by your neck. It should come back out to the right of the narrow part, and the pattern side will still be face down. I took a picture but really there's no way you could fuck this up if you got the last one. Try to make the knot way closer to your neck than I have it. I just didn't want to show my face cause I've got zits.
  
• Wrap the wide end over the narrow end again. It'll be face up and to the left of the narrow end. Notice the wide end is the only one you ever handle? It's clearly the business end. When this is over it should be pointing directly at your crotch.
  
  
• Push the business end up through the neck hole using your middle hand. Pull on the narrow end to tighten the knot closer to your neck.
  
  
• Lift up the business end and you'll find sort of a pocket or slot I guess in the knot you just tied. Slide it through the slot and you're done. Use a combination of pulling on the wide end and on the narrow end to tighten and straighten the knot. Put the narrow end through the slot on the back of the wide end. If it's too long or too short, you fucked up the lengths at the start and you have to try again, or get somebody else to do it.
  
  

If that doesn't work, try something else.

MichaelDFlink#aol#com writes:

That's actually a half windsor knot. The double windsor is more complicated and never looks quite like its supposed to when I tie it. I've been tying my tie in a double for years thinking it was as regular because it always looked like shit. this morning i googled it and your page was the first to come up. It was quite helpful but with more resarch I discovered that your technique is accually called a HALF WINDSOR KNOT. Check this page out for more tie tying technique.

I think Michael's right... and I'm afraid to learn the real double windsor.

Michael Smith