No Scents Nonsense
By STEVE SMITH
Dec. 24, 2008
In the 1950s there was a professional wrestler who called himself Gorgeous George. Upon entering the ring George would have his valet spray disinfectant around the ring presumably so his master wouldn’t have to endure the aromas we would normally associate with gymnasiums and arenas.
In today’s office world we, apparently, have a whole workforce full of Georgeous Georges. No, they don’t run around disinfecting everybody’s cubicle, rather they require that we all disinfect and deodorize ourselves. It is now common to see signs posted in offices everywhere demanding us all to be scent free.
There are people out there who have reactions to scented products such as after shave, perfume, and deodorant. Such products can lead to headaches, asthma attacks, and other problems for the sensitive. For these people I feel great sympathy. But to demand, universally, that people become scent free is both unfair and unrealistic.
The world is a smelly place. Can we stop the smell of the ocean? Should we expect the Public Gardens to grow only odorless flowers? Should the fry trucks around the Halifax Library have to cook in no-stink fat?
For a large percentage of the population most smells are pleasant and many are evocative. To me the smell of bacon frying, coffee brewing, and popcorn popping are like magic carpet rides to other times and other places.
For years many of us used to revel in what we called “new car smell.” Now that is called “off gassing” and is considered undesirable by today’s Nose Nazis. What’s the fun of having a new car if it smells like the clunker you just unloaded?
In my youth, after shave was king. In high school using after shave was proof that you were actually mature enough to be shaving. Old Spice, Yardley and Mennen were for old folks and to be used only in emergencies. For young hipsters there was 007 (so you could smell, if not look, like James Bond), Hai Karate (it came with self defense instructions so you could fight off the hordes of amorous women determined to physically molest you), and English Leather.
I was an English Leather man/boy. There were many variations on the English Leather theme. There was English Leather Timberline so you could smell like the north woods; English Leather Wind Drift so you could smell like the seashore; and English Leather Lime so you could smell like a fruit.
I remember going to a girl’s house fully scented out thanks to my English Leather soap-on-a-rope, my English Leather shaving cream, my English Leather deodorant, my English Leather after shave, my English Leather cologne, and my English Leather hair spray. I’ll bet CSI Halifax could go into that girl’s house and still find traces of me lingering in an air duct.
Some 30 years later, when I ran into this lady in Halifax, the first thing she did was sniff me to see if I was still wearing the same stuff. I wasn’t but I don’t know if that was good or bad.
There were a few guys in my high school class, however, whose daily regime excluded any kind of scented products. In fact their regime appeared to have excluded even washing. Believe me the natural scents they exuded were even less desirable than the artificial ones.
Please understand that I am not unsympathetic to those with aroma allergies. I’m sure they can be annoying, painful and, sometimes, even dangerous. What I object to is the sledgehammer solutions the politically correct feel compelled to force upon the majority.
As we journey deeper and deeper into the Valley of the Bland extravagant tastes will be discouraged. The Annapolis Valley will be closed during fertilizing season. Onions will be banned from grocery store bins. Send a dozen roses to your Mom and you could be charged with nasal abuse.
I fully expect to get nasty letters accusing me being Neanderthal and insensitive. People will tell me in great detail how miserable their life is because they have a nose.
I understand the problem but I ask that we deal with issues on an individual basis. “That smell bothers John in the next cubicle, therefore, nobody shall be allowed to smell anything.” If the guy in the next cubicle doesn’t like something I’m doing all he has to do is say: “Steve, that stuff you’re wearing is giving me a headache. Could you please not wear it anymore?” We don’t need rules to control everyone and everything everywhere.
The Christmas season is one of our most fragrant times of year. Through the magic of Ebay I have contributed to it by buying myself the perfect present, a vintage gift set of various English Leather after shaves and colognes. I stand defiantly ready to face 2009 in a full bouquet of 70’s aroma.