. There will be a new fad diet book on the shelves in a few months.
Tentatively titled 
"Sloppy Joe to Slim Jim in 10 Weeks!",
the soon-to-be-famous author and self-described gadfly - Bruce Duffy, has added a
new twist to the oft-abused Starvation Diet. As Mr. Duffy so
eloquently states: "Drop your calorie intake enough to lose a bunch of
weight in the first few weeks, then hang tough, baby".
Millions of people have tried and failed with the Starvation Diet, but
what they were missing was the mental toughness and tenacity that Mr.
Duffy (aka THE Sun god) brings to the game. It seems so simple, yet aren't all great new
ideas just that? Simple and elegant. Hang tough while you're body
adjusts to your new weight, then continue on as your new svelte self.
So where did the idea for a new Starvation Diet (affectionately called THE Hang Tough Diet)
come from? Is Mr. Duffy an acclaimed nutritionist or accomplished how-to author?
NoSireeBob. Mr. Duffy is a  Gonzo
and that says it all. Your basic Gonzo is a gritty, tough old bird and Mr.
Duffy defines the breed. There are literally countless examples of
Gonzos being tough and Mr. Duffy is always in the mix when Gonzos strut their stuff.
So, just where and how does one acquire such mental toughness? You can
always start by hanging out with Gonzos or some other such groups. Every
city and town has collection of individuals who make a point of proving
how fit, and tough (and sometimes stupid) that they really are. In the
words of another grizzled Gonzo veteran, Gordon Warnica (aka VIKING):
"Quit your yakking and just do it". The taciturn
Mr. Warnica has been on the more
traditional "Eat a bit less, Exercise a bit more" for the past 6 months.
The results are impressive.
Mr. Duffy's meteoric rise to fame started but a few months ago, during a
trip to New Hampshire for a run UP Mount Washington (Yes, a run UP...all
8 miles of it...with a pacemaker and drugs that limited his heart-rate
to 124 beats a minute. Try that on your fancy treadmill...at a 10%
grade). During a particularly sumptuous post-race meal, one the of Gonzo Support 'Croo,
Bernie Levy (aka IMAX), asked
what seemed a very innocent question....'Since Mr. Duffy is famed for his
mental toughness and tenacity, how is it that he is so....what you might
say...chunky?'
Well, ladies and gentelmen, I was in the room when the
question was floated and I still get shivers thinking about it. I think
the sky darkened. I know that the birds stopped singing. Mount
Washington may have blushed. Young women hurried across the street. Moms with
baby carriages picked up their kids and ran.
For the un-initiated:
NEVER challenge a Gonzo unless you are serious about backing it up.
Never doubt Mr. Duffy. Just a good rule of thumb in life. NEVER doubt
Mr. Duffy. The first words out of his mouth (other than spittle and
some remains from the 5000 calorie meal just consumed) were that he
could...and would drop his weight to below 170 before the next trip to New
Hampshire in early September. Bruce Murphy (aka DIPPER...and the author
of this little ditty) foolishly..I SAY FOOLISHLY...stated in no
uncertain terms that it was impossible to lose that much weight in so
little a timeframe. That would be a Crash Diet, and as we all know,
Crash Diets do not work.
Enter Mr. Duffy and his Synapses of Steel: "All it takes, boys is a
little mental toughness. First, I'll lose the weight, then I'll write a
book about the experience, and then I'll go on a speaking tour, where
people will pay me money to speak" (as opposed to the current situation).
I won't bore you with the petty details of the weekly weigh-ins, the
sarcastic comments back and forth. Blah, blah, blah. Suffice to say, I
think Mr. Duffy spammed out enough email over the last few weeks to fill
a goodly number of chapters in his upcoming book.
As of the time of writing, Mr. Duffy had lost a toal of 20 pounds in 10
weeks. That's 2 pounds a week for the mathematically challenged. The man
turns sideways and you lose him in a crowd. Thank goodness you can still
hear him. As per the terms of the bet, I had to pony up $20 last night
and sit around to watch him eat a nice, big, fat juicy steak, washed down
with a nice, big, fat, juicy Guinness. The mans' stomach has shrunk so
much, I even had to chip in and help him finish the steak.
The photographers have already taken the BEFORE
and AFTER pictures for the book. Make sure there
are no children present, should you decide to click on the before
picture. Not a pretty site.
Of course, the book doesn't come out until after Christmas.....I know
what you are thinking....what if Mr. Duffy slides down that long,
slippery slope that so many Crash Diet believers seem to be unable to avoid? Rest
assured, that will NOT happen. Let me quote Mr. Duffy on this point:
Bruce (aka DIPPER)
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