Recent Headline Stories about Conrad Black vs Jean Chrétien
Conrad Black abandons National Post and chickens out of Canada but promises to regain citizenship when Chrétien leaves office

Ottawa July 1. The PM who says the total lack of effective opposition convinces him that Canada wants him as PM forever, commented that Mr. Black should hope to live a long, long time. "As for dat," he says, "I will be making legislation dat will prevent deceased ex - Canadians from regaining citizenship."

PM Is Devastated That Only Effective Opposition to His Rule Is Leaving Canada

Ottawa, June 15. Unconfirmed reports allege that Mr.Chétien is devastated that the only effective opposition to the Liberals is from Mr. Black, and has told his caucus, quote, de worl' will tink we're, y'know, not a democrat state wid de official opposition run by a certified goofball, unquote. The 'goofball' was not identified, but insiders say Mr. Chrétien was referring to Mr. Stockwell Day, Leader of the Official Opposition.

According to reports, the PM will not talk with Mr. Black directly but only through an intermediary, reported to be Mr. Warren Kinsella, a Liberal Party hack. Mr. Chrétien has threatened to put Sheila Copps on a crash diet (similar to a hunger strike) until the renowned publisher changes his mind about 'chickening out'.

Full details will be provided by Scott Upchuk in Notional Pest ONLINE  after Scott finishes investigating the latest air disaster over Newfoundland. (The air disaster story referred to the crash of a Cessna floatplane into a graveyard in St. John's, Newfoundland, from which hundreds of bodies were (and still are) being recovered. This greatest of Canadian air crash disasters received scant attention in the establishment press centred in Toronto, which obviously doesn't give a good gaddamn about anything that happens outside of the Toronto orbit. ed) Notional Pest

Conrad Black Affirmed Today That He "Will Shut Down That Scurrilous Rag That Attempts To Trade On The Good Name Of The National Post — The Publisher Of The 'Scurrilous Rag', Presumed To Be The Notional Pest, Tells Mr. Black To Go Fuck Himself
London, UK, 14 April. Conrad Black, the publisher of The National Post, affirmed today that he has taken 'steps' to shut down The Notional Pest. In a statement that appeared today in his flagship newspaper, The Daily Telegrah, Mr. Black said (in part) the following: 
"I cannot stand idly by and see stupid, plagiaristic siht (sic) like The Notional Pest continue with its digusting and banal coverage of the so-called news .... I will bring all my considerable legal resources to bare (sic) on the case. Dr. Lip Shit (sic) may think he can continue publishing his silly 'news' but heel (sic) think again when a ceese (sic) and disist (sic) order is shoved up ... I'll refrase (sic) that ... shoved in, his ukly (sic) face ..."
The Publisher of the Notional Pest, Dr. Fred W. Lipschitz, MD, FRCSSR, OC, responded to Mr. Black's ill-phrased outburst with characteristic good taste and breeding: 
I am wounded beyond measure that Mr. Black would take such a position, but I will not respond in kind other than to say I am surprised that his statement reveals he has such a poor command of English, especially spelling. At the very least, Mr. Black should have tried to spell my name right. 
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